Monday, October 24, 2011

House of The Dead

In this horrible adaptation of the once popular Sega arcade video game of the same name, director Uwe Boll's action horror effort finds a group of partying teens stranded on an island and doing battle with a new breed of unusually mobile zombies. Looking for a place to party away spring break, college students Cynthia (Sonya Salomaa), Greg (Will Sanderson), and Karma (Enuka Okuma) hear rumors of a rave on a remote island in the Seattle area. What they find instead id a bunch of lame looking Zombies who look as though they went to the Spirit Halloween Store for their costumes. Not that Spirit has bad costumes; it is just that this bunch of losers made them look bad.

What can I say about one of the worst movies ever made. Well… There is a cute chick in stars and stripes leotards that karate kicks ass until she gets eaten buy Zombies. Jurgon Prochnow shoots Clint Howard in the head. (something I bet Ron has wanted to do for years) This Movie signaled the slow demise of Jonathon Cherry’s career. Oh and I guess Ona Grauer kicking ass in a tube top with a battle axe was pretty cool.

Otherwise this was the most poorly written and choreographed film adaptation/zombie flick/horror movie ever made. I knew I was in trouble when shots from the game were interspersed through the movie as a special effect vehicle. That did not work in more ways than you could imagine.
House of The Dead is the kind of movie you should get your buddies and lots of beer over to heckle for eighty seven minutes.

House of The Dead should be forclosed on!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Paranormal Activity 3

Paranormal Activity 3

Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman direct and Oren Peli and Christopher B Landon write for us the latest prequel in the Paranormal Activity franchise.   And all I got to say is this is definitely the best of all three.  The frights are more intense, the jumps higher, and the added bit of humor here and there catch you off guard and make for a really intense 90 minute tightening of the abs, wringing of the hands and clenching of the buttocks.

Here’s how it all goes down..  We get a brief return of adult Katie and Christie.  Katie leaves a box of videos from their Grandmother.  From that we, the peeping toms of their horrificly haunted lives, get is to find some answers(via found footage),  as to what is terrorizing them and the answers are not what I expected. 

I think it would be impossible to watch Paranormal Activity Three without falling prey to the jumps and starts.  The two young girls in the film are excellent at portraying people who are mystified, curious, and terrified by what is happening to them. 

Christopher Smith who plays the live in boyfriend of the girl’s mother, played by Lauren Bittner, does an excellent job of assisting to build the tension by being the videographer of the household.  A wedding video producer by trade, he along with everyone else,  gets  more than what he expects when trying to capture a ghost on film in a little house in Santa Rosa Ca.

As I said, this is Activity the best of all three.  The first two paranormal activity movies I watched alone, in the bottom of my house at two in the morning.  I should mention that on both occasions, my wife snuck up and scared the crap out of me.  (If I did that I’d be talking about my exwife). Anyway, this time I got to see the flick in a crowded theatre which made it more fun listening to others jump and scream.  Guys were the worst. Yes I said it, ya buncha babies!

Over all I would have to say that Paranormal Activity 3 was well worth the price of admission.  I would also like to add that way back in the first movie, they left it open for sequels so don’t be surprised if…..

Friday, July 8, 2011

Transformers Dark of the Moon

I just watched Transformers, Dark Of The Moon and thought it was great. It delivered exactly as it was billed, a movie about Robots battling each other for control of earth. Not just any robots though, robots that can change themselves into cars, truck planes or whatever else lets them mix in with our mechanical world.

I was not looking for character development, back story on the new love of Sam’s life, or even the motivations of the bad guys. I wanted a spectacular mess of metal snakes that eat and destroy skyscrapers while conventional trucks transform into jet packing, missile launching shielded mechanical giants who sound like Barry White on a bad day.

So what I am saying here is that if you want to have two and a half hours or so of a fun filled assault to your senses, just what this movie and it’s producers purport it to be, then go see Transformers, Dark Of The Moon. If you want character development, heartfelt love and triumph of everyday life, go see Larry Crown.

Toons Tunes University: BIG music video!

u rock sk8r man